You Will Understand
by DenizenofTwilight
Summary: It's the day before Valentine's Day, but Eri is beginning to want to celebrate it less and less. Feeling left out, and inadequate, compared to those who played the Reaper's Game, Eri begins to doubt her place in her group of friends, as well as her own Soul! Will her worries be put to rest? Or will she just continue to feel even more lost? You'll have to read to find out! Beat/Eri.


**You Will Understand**

"…_Follows 'till they're home/Dragged by the power of the dream/Their power is yet unknown__." _Eri groaned, annoyed, as her morning call with Shiki was interrupted by something, or rather, someone else. In her half-awake state, she had to wonder just how the heck her ringtone was going off when she was already on the phone with Shiki. It took her half a moment later to realize just where the sound was coming from, but less time to realize that her spiky-orange-haired friend was an idiot. And her friends, that had called her at three—and now four o'clock—on a school night still expected her to go to Hachiko tomorrow? The humanity!

"Can you hold on, Shi? Your doof of a boyfriend is having his emo music follow me in my home, whilst dragging me away from my dreams."

The response from her bespectacled best friend happened about as soon as Eri thought it would. Sure enough, Shiki did respond with a long held out, "Huuuuuuuuh?" (like Eri had thought she would). And if Eri hadn't been so dang tired, she probably would have noted how her best friend usually only spoke like that when gushing about yaoi.

Instead, she muttered as patiently as she could (because this was Shiki, and Shiki needed Eri's support when it came to the moron that had just "called" her), "Hold tight, hon. I'll drive Neku away soon enough. Just let me threaten putting him in tights again, and I'll be all ears for you."

Before Shiki could respond to that, however, the fashionably-fabulous-girl was already putting her bff on hold. Then, grudgingly, she dug out the walkie-talkie Neku had made her buy, just so she could talk to him. What he had against cell phones, Eri had no idea. Especially since whenever he contacted one of the friends on a talkie, he'd play a recording of his stupid "Twister" remix to imitate a ringtone. Eri had overlooked this many a time, but as she saw how wretched she looked reflected on her cell phone screen (that was going dimmer since she wasn't using it at the moment), she surmised it might be the proper time to give Neku a piece of her mind. She had picture day tomorrow, too!

Grabbing her dang walkie-talkie, Eri pressed the talk button as loudly as she could; she hoped that Neku was getting a loud beeping noise on his end. If he was going to be annoying her at this time of night err... morning, then she would annoy him, too. "Neku, I hate you. Why are you talking to me now of all times? I'm trying to talk to our favorite cat-plushie-lover here. And if I have to listen to your emo music—that I could have written better lyrics for!—one more time, I'll-"

"You have to admit this remix's nice. And at least they made 'dreams' plural in this song. That's a change."

At that moment, Eri would have very much loved to inform Neku that it wasn't a change. At all. And that he was doing a terrible job of abiding by Joshua's guiding advice, and broadening his horizons (not that Josh was following his own advice too well, though), but she had to admit the new version of "Twister" was rather catchy. Glorious, even.

"Meh. I suppose so. I'm more into it for the harmony, though. Everything else makes me think of that freakin' 'Flightless Bird' song. And I don't even want to know how much yen you spent to get CAT to remix that tongue twister of a song for you. I'm guessing that stupidity was close to how much more you spent on having a good walkie-talkie plan. Just buy a damn cell phone already!"

Yeah… Eri really should have realized Neku wouldn't respond to that. And worse yet: why the hell was she blabbing to Neku at this time again? She should have been "hanging up" on him right now! Falling back onto her bed (and even cooler, her Sailor Moon comforter), Eri wished that she could just go back to sleep and forget Shiki or Neku had ever contacted her. But there were no dice for her, unfortunately, because about five seconds after she'd been expecting _some_ response, Neku ended up spluttering something in a way very similar to how Beat did, "BWAH! You're seriously comparing the awesomeness that is 'Twister' to that 'Flightless Bird' song from effing _Twilight_?!"

Yep. There was no denying it: Eri had definitely ruffled Neku's feathers. And, once again, such a thing usually would have been amusing if she weren't so dang tired. Ugh. She really should have learned her lesson years ago about designing clothes so late into the night….

Deciding that if she was going to stay up for Shiki and Neku she might as well get something out of it, Eri sat up cross-legged on her bed and dug out a vile of pink nail polish from her bedside table. Making sure she had the talkie securely in one hand and the nailbrush in the other, Eri set to work painting her nails the color of her hair, and wondered what _fascinating_ tales Neku would bring her this time. "You've got that right, Phones. Don't get me wrong; I like 'Twister' better, too, but 'Flightless Bird's' line about a 'fat house cat' and whatnot is kind of like 'Twister's' randomness. Now why did you call me again? It couldn't have been to debate songs. Not even you would do that at this time, Mr. Sleepy."

Even though she couldn't see Neku, Eri could perfectly imagine the way he'd be pulling on one of his orange spikes in irritation at her words. At least, if nothing else, she'd succeeded in getting Neku to change subjects from the debate they were having. While Eri usually would have liked arguing things with her friend, the fact remained she was too out of sorts to really do a good job of it at the moment. Still… she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she _had_ won their particular argument. Score one for Eri!

"Nekky-kun, are you still there?" Eri asked a bit irritably when her best-friend's- boyfriend didn't answer her at all. If he had gone to sleep after keeping her up, Eri knew for certain that she was going to clock him one. Especially since Shiki was still waiting for her to reply!

"I was giving you the silent treatment, crazy lady. Frankly, you deserve it after insulting my favorite song. However, more pressing things are on the line. Like just what the heck I'm supposed to get Shiki for Valentine's Day. I was thinking of a set of pin-"

"Dilly-Dally, Shilly-Shally," Eri sighed in a bit of worriment, but mostly irritation. As Neku hadn't taken to watching _Advent Children_, though, the pink-haired-girl wasn't even the least surprised when he piped in, and asked just what the heck that meant.

In the end, Eri opted not to answer, because though she didn't want her friends to epically fail at the gift-giving nonsense, she couldn't meddle, either. Moreover, she was mad that they'd both kept her up over something so stupid. Running a hand over her face, Eri mumbled angrily in a way very similar to the way Neku once had (before he'd come out of his shell). "I think you and Shiki are on the 'phone' with the wrong person. Stop talking to me, and talk to each other. Nighty-night. Bye."

Before Neku could badger her anymore, Eri threw the walkie-talkie at the wall and could only hope it had broken into teeny-tiny pieces. Though she said goodbye to Shiki much more gracefully, she pretty much told Shiki the same thing she had Neku.

As she smeared nail polish all over herself accidentally, Eri couldn't help but note that she felt hurt somehow; she had absolutely no idea why, though. Maybe it was because she knew any boyfriend she ever had wouldn't think to treat her as well as Neku did Shiki? Yeah… there was no denying Neku and Shiki were special cases, but then Beat, Rhyme, and Joshua all were, too. So then… Maybe if she died, she'd come back as a better person and with tight bonds, too?

Though Eri absolutely loathed the _Twilight_ series, there had always been something about the similar _Roswell _series that made her adore it, but… but she'd never thought she'd end up like Maria! She never thought she'd wish to die just so she could understand her friends better. Just what the heck was wrong with her?!

Holding the _Roswell _book to her chest, Eri would later find that she really shouldn't have blamed Shiki and Neku for her lack of sleep at all. In the end, she would end up blaming herself, and sleep would not come for her that night.

…

The day following Eri's slight mental breakdown, she found herself denying Shiki's request of going to Hachiko with everyone else, and instead found herself heading toward the Udagawa District.

Of course, even though Eri had never played the Game, she knew all about it. It was here in front of this wall (that was beautifully tagged by CAT) that Neku had died. Running a hand over the meaningful graffiti lines beneath her fingertips, Eri wondered if Joshua would appear out of nowhere to kill her, too; it was so sad that she almost wished such a thing would happen.

She wanted to understand… she wanted to understand the Pacts between her friends, wanted to understand why Hachiko was so important to them… there was just so much she didn't know, and as Eri looked at the art forlornly (just hoping to feel something like Neku must have after coming there after the Game), she knew that she wouldn't find a scrap of inspiration. She, like most of Shibuya, was an untouched Soul, but she didn't want to be that way anymore. She wanted to fit in with her friends, and she wished that she were worthy of the envy Shiki had once felt for her.

Though she loved Shiki and her new friends with all her heart (and was so, so happy for all they'd found!), there was no denying that Eri felt inadequate around them. Or perhaps more accurately, she felt empty. After all, they'd been filled with something she probably wouldn't find unless she was reincarnated, and seeing as how that probably wouldn't happen for a very long time (if ever)…

Eri couldn't help feeling that her friends were going to leave her behind. After all, Joshua only brought those back to life who he thought could benefit Shibuya. There was no denying Shiki and all of them were destined to have bright futures now, but Eri had to wonder… was she filled with the same warmth they were? Did she have even the slightest bit of it?

The truth was, Eri didn't know the answer to any of it, and that scared her more than she ever would have admitted to anyone. Though she'd never let her popularity and good-fortune go to her head, she was used to trying her best, and usually having things go her way for it. But this UG stuff was impossible for her to wrap her head around and understand. It was simply out of her reach. And as terrible as it was to say, Eri really wished she could experience it all firsthand, but even if she did, that would just give her a one-way ticket to Erasure, wouldn't it? There was no way someone as such as her could have a strong Soul or Imagination enough to win. Not when she was going against everything Joshua's Game taught, and was beginning to close her borders out of her shame. Seriously, what _was_ wrong with her?

It was with thoughts such as this that Eri soon found herself walking away from CAT's mural, and in the direction of the Scramble Crossing. As lost as she was at the moment, it would do no good to not meet her friends at Hachiko, but that didn't mean she had to stay away from Cat Street, did it? Maybe if she just talked to Mr. Hanekoma, she could sort her problems out that way. He _did_ make her feel more alive, Eri had to admit. And in that, maybe she wasn't as different as her friends as she was beginning to think.

Alas, Eri's plan never did come into fruition. Instead, she found her friends hanging out in the Scramble Crossing, and when her feet started to move towards them of their own accord, she knew what she was choosing to do. And she couldn't feel _too_ bad for it. Maybe seeing her friends was exactly what she needed, after all. Yes, she would share in whatever wonderful present Shiki had gotten Neku, and laugh at Neku's failed attempt to get Shiki something. That should have been fun, at least.

Smiling a bit to herself now, Eri found she felt better about everything. In fact, she didn't even note the way the clouds had opened up to reveal a darkened sky, or that the wind was picking up noticeably.

Wrapping her arms around her skimpily clad self, Eri tried to fight off the cold bite that the gusts of wind offered, but it was most likely in vain. She also tried to keep her long, red locks from blowing in her face in such a frenzy, but it, too, was to no avail. Dodging past three people here, flying kites there, and a skateboarder right in front of her, Eri finally found herself in front of the ex-Players that she loved so much. And as the group of six began moving towards the Statue's direction, Eri found she truly couldn't wait for the next Hachiko Festival; she knew just what she was going to wish for!

"Yo, Eri! Getcha self ove' here!" Beat shouted loud enough to drown out the thunder, as he ran to meet the dog statue before everyone else. And upon getting a closer look at Beat, Eri couldn't help but smile the slightest bit wider. The way the violet of the sky was reflecting on Beat's pale features and clothes made him look beautiful somehow: Like some legendary protector sent to save the everyday folk from the darkness.

As an idea for a new design poured into her head, Eri dug into the messenger bag she wore on her arm, and pulled out a scrap piece of paper. As absorbed as she was in drawing the new set of clothes for Beat, she almost missed it when the big "teddy-bear" leaned close to her and quickly kissed her on the cheek. "Happy V-Day, Eri." Beat muttered rather breathlessly before skateboarding over to Rhyme, before Eri could see if he was blushing in the same way she was.

It really was too bad that Beat had scampered off before Eri could really react to his action. Now how the heck was she to tell if he liked her or not?! And as those words circled in her head, and Eri realized just how much she _did_ like Beat, she reminded herself that there were other ways to ferret things out. Maybe she'd ask Shiki?

Still, no matter what Shiki ended up saying, Eri had the strangest inkling that it wouldn't change her feelings for Beat at all. Eri'd… she'd never felt this way before, and it was an odd thing to realize, as Eri had dated quite a few people, but… there was just something about Beat that drew her in. Rather it was for some of their similarities, or how his Soul had been refined from playing the Game, Eri didn't know.

As Eri chanced a glance at Shiki—who looked rather apologetic, as she seemed to take in Eri's tired state—she thought that Shiki definitely seemed to know something about Beat that she didn't. Eri was about to ask Shiki about it, but she was stopped when she felt—to her amazement—Neku's arms encircle her into a hug. "I'm sorry about last night, Eri," Neku said, after he must have noticed he was squeezing Eri to death, and let her go. "I know you have other things on your mind lately, so I'm sorry…"

"My, my, dear. With those perceptive thoughts, it's no wonder you very nearly became Composer. Do tell me, do you know what's afflicting our dear outsider?"

Eri's thoughts were torn away from the basket she'd just noticed Shiki had made Neku (with CDs in the pattern of Mr. Mew, even!), as she looked at Joshua rather reluctantly. Bashfully, Eri ducked her head and tried to look anywhere but at said Composer (as she really, really hoped he hadn't read her stupid thoughts from earlier!). Especially since when she was in her friends' presence, it was hard to think negatively at all, but could that be part of her problem? Whenever she was away from people that had been touched from the Game, it was almost like a bandage had been ripped off, and made pain come back to Eri with no warning at all. But maybe… maybe she needed to contend with that pain. Maybe she needed to face it head-on.

"Prissy, that ain't cool, ai'ight? Eri's not an outliner! She's one of us, and-"

"I think you mean 'outlier', Beat," Rhyme chimed in helpfully. But for all of the pep in her tone, she too seemed irritated at Joshua, when she forced him to look at her and said very sternly, "Joshua, I know you're getting at something, but can't you say it a little bit nicer? Eri _is _our friend, and you really shouldn't antagonize Neku, either, in mentioning how he could have been Composer."

And at that, Eri tried her best to not interrupt them from their talk of the Reaper's Game but it was so hard, because… once again, she felt like the out of place neighbor kid or something. And actually, as Neku, Shiki, Beat, Rhyme, and Joshua all bantered back and forth, she almost wished she were Roger from _Sister;Sister_ or something. Anything would be better than this. But it was _this_ that had brought them all together, and Eri _was_ thankful for it, because she loved her new friends, but… she just felt like she had become an alien, while they were what humanity was supposed to be.

Not that Eri would ever say that, of course. To say such a thing would seem unthankful and ungrateful for the better days Shibuya was seeing lately. It would have made it seem as though she didn't care in the slightest that Joshua had spared their town. Also, on days like this (when the storm made Joshua look darker than usual), Eri tried to stay on his good side and not earn some of his agitated "looks". She hadn't played his Game, after all. What did he owe or feel for her at all, were it not for their shared friends?

Maybe that was why she was surprised when Joshua looked her over—with sympathy?—before turning to Rhyme with a slight smile on his face. "You are right, Raimu," Joshua said as he adopted what Eri dubbed his "thinking pose", and smirked at Neku's glowering face. "I forgot myself, it seems. You see, I didn't mean to insult Eri at all. I merely meant to say that Eri hasn't played the Game, which seems to be bothering her. And I was also hoping our dear Neku might be able to perceive just what's going on with her."

"Her Soul is being stretched and pulled in response to our overpowered ones, right? So then, the weather we've seen lately… it must be her doing, huh?"

And, of course, it would be when Neku said such a thing that Eri would feel a draft pressing in all around her. As she tried desperately to keep her footing, and _not_ lose the hat that Shiki had made for her all those years ago, Eri was shocked to note everyone's worried expressions pointed at her. So then… they _had_ noticed how she'd felt all along, or…

"Eri, you have to stop feeling inadequate! You've lost the will to live, and if that happens, you'll be in the UG, and- You'll go through what I did!" And it was in the fact that Shiki had started off talking so quiet, but had increased her volume as she spoke (hinting in how she'd grown in confidence through her time in the UG), that Eri was able to understand just what she was talking about.

Oh. So then, if she kept this up, she'd end up in the UG, too, huh? And most likely, her Entry Fee would be herself, too. And yet… that didn't seem right to Eri, either. Instead, she felt as though she'd somehow end up like Beat.

As if in agreement to her previous thought, the crazy weather that Eri had been creating stopped immediately (though, honestly, that very well might have had something to do with Joshua, but Eri didn't care). And when Eri saw who was standing directly in front of her line of vision, she knew exactly what she wanted to do. And so she ran to him.

Eri didn't think about much, then, as humiliating tears came cascading down her cheeks. Instead, she found herself colliding into Beat's arms, despite what his possible refusal could do to her, but he didn't refuse her in the slightest. Instead, he kissed Eri's head to help calm her, and shook her in his arms the way Eri thought he might have done to calm Rhyme in the past.

Forgetting for the moment that there was most likely a ton of other people watching her, Eri buried her face into Beat's face and just took a moment to breathe. "I r-realized tha- that I'm failing myself the way you thought you d-did, Rhyme in the Game. And I'm not clever enough for th-th-this. I'm not clever enough for any of yo-you. I'm k-k-killing myself, the way you thought you killed your morals by becoming a R-r-reaper."

If truth be told, Eri's words were even surprising herself as she said them. As she angled her head up slightly, to better see Beat's eyes—looking for something, but she didn't know exactly what—Eri could tell she'd hit the nail on the head when it came to Beat's own feelings.

But then again, she'd always known that Beat had felt this way, hadn't she? They'd had many conversations away from the others about how Beat felt inadequate, and somewhat alone with everyone else paired up. Eri had known all of this well, but she'd had no idea that as she'd sat there giving Beat comfort, she'd felt much the same way herself. Laughing a bit at the ridiculousness of it all, Eri suddenly found that she'd been silly for getting mad at Neku and Shiki the night before. She gave _horrible _advice. She should have been apologizing to _them_ for the way she'd been acting lately, not the other way around.

Feeling a tad bit better for it all, now that she had gotten everything off her chest (and maybe that's what she'd really wanted all along), Eri meant to tell a concerned Neku and Shiki that they shouldn't worry about her, and she was sorry, but instead she found herself being sandwiched in between Beat's massive arms again. By every right, they should have been crushing her much more than Neku's had been before, and yet she somehow felt perfect. In fact, she felt the best she had in a long time. "You shouldn' feel tha' way, man. I mean, I'm doin' a whole lots bette' now. And ya know, ya don't have ta play th' Game to feel bette'. I'll be her' to beat up your bad thoughts. So don'ts feel bad, Eri. We'll all here for yas always. Tha's what really matt'as."

Completely moved by Beat's words, and the sensitivity he was awarding her, Eri meant to say something to him, as the salty smell of her tears seemed to subside for his cologne (and so much more than that), but when she heard Joshua laughing beside her, she decided she'd made enough of a fool of herself for one day.

Gah! Just why had she ever felt out of sorts around that kid?! He was so not worth it! But… he was still her friend. Yes, all of these people were her friends, and Beat had been right in saying that was really all that was needed. Maybe it was even all that was needed to make the world shine even more (her own, and others' alike).

And though Eri had gotten a lot wrong about the Reaper's Game, and the way she should have been acting (should she have partaken in it), Eri knew that at least about her friends, she'd gotten the right of it. She didn't need to have played the Game to have benefited from it. All she needed was to surround herself with the people who had, and learn from _them_. Hadn't that been some of Joshua's plan all along? Yes, as long as Eri remembered to value herself and her companions, all would be well, wouldn't it? And hadn't Neku learned that better than anybody? Perhaps it was high time Eri took _his_ advice.

"I'm sorry for the way I've been acting, guys," Eri explained, as she pecked Beat on the cheek in thanks, and dug out her sketchbook to begin a new design she'd just been inspired to do. "But you'd better believe that if you guys are going to be talking about the Reaper's Game all the time, you'd better tell me all your grand adventures, so I can keep up! I have a ton of outfits to design from that sort of inspiration, so don't hold out!"

And even though all the others nodded their agreements, and began fishing out the Valentines that they would be giving their significant other in a moment's time, Eri knew it wasn't just for that reason that Beat would be the one to answer her. The truth of the matter was, Maria's Michael needed to heal her leg, and assure her of all she meant to him. Assure her of all she meant to all of them! And… to promise her he'd never let her be hurt again, and ordinarily tough Beat did just all of that. "Com' on, Eri. You's best know I gots mad skateboardin' tales to tell yas. O'course I'll teach yous everythin' you need to know!"

"I couldn't have asked for more, Beat. I couldn't have asked for mor-" But as Beat's lips met Eri's in a sweet and loving kiss, she found that there had been one more thing she could have asked for.

It truly was a wonderful world, and it looked as though she wouldn't have to go to the Hachiko Festival next year, after all. She'd already gotten her wishes. And as she saw Neku give Shiki a surprisingly decent made piggy plushie, and Joshua and Rhyme exchange chocolates, she thought she counted four wishes that had been granted. Oh, and one more. Beat's lips were definitely another. After all, Beat's love was the best and last thing she would have ever wished for. And she had gotten it, and hadn't even needed to go to hell or heaven to get her award.

As she finally understood her friends, their Pacts, and just what Hachiko meant to all of them—and in finally being a part of it all herself—Eri ended up having a more than spectacular Valentine's Day that year. And years down the road, when she tried to teach others the things she'd learned that day, Eri'd reflect that it had been the best Valentine's she ever had. But that didn't mean she wouldn't try to have better ones, though! Because as long as she had her friends, Eri knew full well… that she had happiness.

_Fin._

**Author's Note: First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NICOLE! I love you so much, hon. And I really hope you like this (and that I could have given you this on your actual B-Day, but meh). I'm actually kind of worried about this, though, since I know you like Beat/Joshua, but you've liked Beat/Eri in the past, so…**

**I actually have no idea how this was born. I kind of like it, though. Even if I'm sort of unsure about the ending (on one hand, it seems too rushed, but otherwise I think it would have been too drawn out; also, it's cheesy as hell at the end), but whatever. Also, this is a bit shorter (or longer, depending on how you look at it) than I originally intended, but whatevs.**

**Another thing: you all probably won't understand one of the last references (sorry!), but it was another Roswell one. Mainly because I made Eri's journey in this similar to Maria's in the books (I love that series, by the way). But you know? I think Eri would end up feeling a little out of place around her friends, so hopefully it works (and she isn't OOC here). So yeah…**

**I have to say, I think this made me even more of a Beat/Eri shipper (I should write more for them!), especially in noting how I think they'd be similar in some ways.**

**Anyway, I've ranted enough. I hope you guys like this (especially you, Nix!)! I definitely had fun writing a lot of it.**

**Happy early V-day everyone!**

**-Shan**


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